This was a weird Wednesday. I spent the day in the computer lab writing math tests for next year while a sub babysat my little kiddles. No lab classes are being held this week, so there were no kids about. It was very peaceful and I got a lot done. Then I emerged from my cave and found out two of my more challenging kids had been extra challening today. Foul mouths spewed and a bully used his brute strength against a hapless classmate. Sigh. They were invited to stay home for the rest of the year - mind you, that's only 3 more days. Still. It was an odd juxtaposition to my day of peace, and I felt drained by the news.
Now, in the past I would have driven straight to the grocery store to load up the cart with comforting carbs. Instead, I drove straight to the store and bought cabbage and low fat baked BBQ chips. Randy grilled Nathan's hotdogs and we topped them with mustard slaw instead of chili and cheese. Then we finished it off with a 30 minute walk.
I feel in control. My day of peace and productivity overcame a few moments of angst. As I reflect on this, I wonder how much of my new attitude is tied to the end of Rebecca's estrangement and exhile. Did the guilt and defeat of sending her back to Florida undermine my sense of control in my life? I feel like my prison sentence is coming to an end. My creativity is springing to the forefront. My attitude is rebounding. My sense of self worth is reawakening. The hardest challenges of our lives are the very things that strengthen us like steel forged in fire. I'm thankful for the strength I've gained, but I'm grateful the sun is coming back out and the storm of the past few years has past.
It's good to be back.